Dark Shines
by Olirin
Summary: New Moon - AU. After Edward Leaves Bella, she tries to move on - finding happiness with a new man. After the murder of Charlie and Renee, she once again finds herself under the protective care of the Cullens. EXB. Full summary enclosed.
1. Phone Call

**FULL SUMMARY: After Edward leaves Forks, Bella remains under the protective care of the Quileute Tribe. After graduation, she accepts a scholarship from the University of Edinburgh, leaving Forks behind.**

**Bella does her best to mend the broken pieces of her life and meets a man she believes will help her forget her dark past. However, she soon comes to realize that she can never escape. Her mother is violently murdered under suspicious circumstances, followed shortly by the murdered of her father. **

**Bella and her fiancé return to Forks for Charlie's funeral and upon arrival, Bella discovers that her past and present have collided and her perfectly reconstructed life is about to fall apart...for the man she thought she would never see again has returned.**

**This is a Bella and Edward love story. Rated for sexual content and graphic violence.**

**CHAPTER NOTES: This is my second fan fiction. I felt like I really wanted to write an Edward Bella story, so here I go. Let me know if you think this is something that I should pursue. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine, but this you know.**

I stretched my legs out in search of cooler surface area - my toes reaching down between the sheets as I allowed myself to rise and fall with the placid waves of sleep.

His cold breath fell upon the back of my neck and I exhaled in pleasure as he left a trail of soft kisses along my spine. His fingers traced lazy patterns on my skin and through the fog of sleep I realized how right it felt to have him here with me after all this time. I was terrified to let myself enjoy this moment, his soft caresses, after so long…but I ached for him.

I felt the vibrations of his lips as he hummed my lullaby – easing my mind and quieting my soul. I had denied myself the pleasure of that gentle melody for song long, with its strange juxtaposition of melancholy and joy; it had been too much to bear. But now the ebb and flow of the lullaby made my heart swell until I thought it might burst from the perfection of the moment. He was here with me. Years of built-up sorrow dissolved as I let go, and my body felt heavy with contentment.

More cool kisses followed a path up to the sensitive skin behind my ear, continuing to my brow where he lingered. I wanted to open my eyes. I wanted to allow my gaze to fall upon his perfect face – the face that I had missed so terribly – but my eyes were heavy with sleep. I wanted to reach out to him, to press my overheated body against his cold skin - but I could not find my way through the layers of dreams. His fingers brushed my damp hair away from my face, lightly stroking my overheated forehead. I breathed his name quietly and I could sense him at my side.

"Shhhhh Bella. Sleep now," his velvet voice whispered to the rhythm of my dreams.

I gasped, bolting upright in bed.

I blinked rapidly into the darkness, my heart hammering in my chest.

Quiet.

Darkness.

Taking deep shaky breaths, I tried to remember where I was…nothing looked familiar in my disoriented state. My dreams slipped quietly into the dark corners of the night and I grasped at any details I could, but they seeped between my fingers and I was left empty…confused.

Deep breaths.

Tears prickled behind my eyes as an overwhelming sadness wrapped around my throat, although I could not understand why.

What had I been dreaming? I couldn't remember. It had left me with a residue of longing…no recognizable images.

After a few minutes my breathing calmed and my heart rate slowed to a normal pace, and I began to understand where I was. My bedroom. The strange sadness began to dissipate along with the haze of sleep. I rubbed my face vigorously as my eyes adjusted to the light.

The room was dark but for the muted glow of the street lamp through the pane glass window, which was slightly ajar. A faint breeze danced in the white curtains, but not enough to stir the stifling air of the room. I felt like I was suffocating in the heat.

I kicked the thin sheets down around my ankles in the hopes that any whisper of that breeze might meet with my damp skin.

My nightshirt had bunched around my waist uncomfortably in my sleep and I struggled to slide it down over my legs before I gave up and impatiently stripped it from my clammy torso, pulling it over my head. My hair caught on one of the buttons and I yanked it mercilessly, ripping several strands of hair out of my head.

"Ouch!" I muttered quietly as I chucked the bunch of sweaty cotton onto the floor beside the bed.

I collapsed back down on the mattress and I closed my eyes with the hope of falling back to sleep, but I already knew it would be impossible. I was too hot and too irritable. My feet were burning and itchy and sweat pooled under my arms and along my collarbones.

What I needed was a fan. Where was that small fan that I had brought with me from our first apartment? I tried to think if it was in one of the boxes in the storage unit in the basement. Shifting onto my side, I exhaled as sweat trickled down the slope of my cheek and into my ear.

I contemplated getting up to look for the fan…maybe it was in the box behind the winter coats? The last move would have been our third within the last two years and I had no memory of unpacking the small fan. I would have to buy a new one if this heat kept up. This old building did not have air-conditioning and our bedroom appeared to trap the heat like a greenhouse.

My throat was parched and I felt as though I had a mouthful of sand. I needed a large glass of cold water. I couldn't sleep in this heat anyway, so I might as well get up and head down to the kitchen.

I could hear sirens in the distance - someone's distress call. I was still unused to the sound of the ambulance sirens in the U.K. I found them to be significantly more jarring that the American sirens. Sometimes I would forget that I was so far away from home, only to be reminded by something small – like the way the rain smelled different in Edinburgh…or the sound of a siren. The sadness and homesickness would squeeze my insides until I was suffocating, but I pushed through it. I would not consider moving back to Forks. This was my home now. I had no reason to leave…and one big reason to stay.

Adrian stirred in the bed next to me, rolling over so that he was facing me. His cheek was sheet-creased and flushed from the heat, his eyes closed - long black lashes reaching down to his cheek. He looked so peaceful…so beautiful. My heart softened as I looked at him; my anxiety easing.

"It's fucking hot," he mumbled, half asleep. It was sometimes hard to understand him when he was either asleep or drunk, as his thick highland accent was exaggerated. His messy black hair fell across his face, wet with sweat. I reached my leg across him, pulling the sheets down away from his body with my toes, exposing his strong beautiful back. I gently swept his sweaty hair away from his face with my fingers, blowing cool air across his cheek.

"Mmmmm," he groaned in pleasure, reaching out his fingers to lazily brush against my arm.

"I am going to get a drink of water. Do you want some?" I whispered into his ear, breathing in his warm scent.

"Just dump it on my head," he mumbled.

I snickered quietly as my feet hit the wooden floor, padding down the stairs to the ancient kitchen. My dreams were all but forgotten…but a feeling of unease stuck to my ribs. I would not be sleeping tonight, that much I knew was true.

"Um…I poured that orange juice for myself, you little orange juice thief," Adrian teased as he reached for a second glass out of the cupboard, laughing.

The early morning sun shone brightly through the slanted kitchen window and tiny rainbows danced across the walls from the crystal that hung against the glass. The rows of potted herbs that I had placed on the windowsill released their aroma into the heat and the kitchen smelled like a mixture of rosemary, dill and basil. It was heavenly.

"You of all people should understand that stolen orange juice tastes more delicious. You can't blame me for wanting more delicious orange juice now, can you?" I asked innocently before taking a large swig of tangy extra-pulp, followed by a mouthful of peanut butter toast.

I sat on a stool at the wooden island while Adrian busied around the kitchen, getting ready for his day. Although it was Saturday, Adrian had a lot of research to get done in the physics lab and I planned to spend the day in the library preparing for my exam next week.

I rested my head on the wooden tabletop, my toast crunching loudly in my ears. My eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and I screwed them shut against the bright morning sun. I lifted my head to take another sip of stolen orange juice as I contemplated my final paper for my class.

I was taking two summer classes in order to maintain my scholarship. Last semester had not gone very well at all and I had been forced to drop a few classes because I had missed so much time.

I had spent a total of three weeks in Jacksonville for my mother's funeral and when I returned to Scotland, I had found it very difficult to focus. My heartache had weighed me down, rendering me brain-dead.

The guidance counselor had sought me out, recommending that I drop some classes quickly before I was forced to accept a failing grade and ultimately lose my scholarship. I needed a certain number of credits per year and summer school turned out to be my only option.

Even though it had been months since my mother's death, it still felt like it had just happened. When the shock had worn off I had sunken into a bottomless pit of despair. I had no energy and no will to participate in my life whatsoever. Although things were finally getting back to normal, I still found it difficult to concentrate on anything. If it were not for Adrian, I might still be at the bottom of that pit of despair. He had been my champion…my ray of light. The only good thing in my life.

But it was still painful. Sometimes I would forget everything that had happened and pick up the phone to call her, only to remember that she would not answer. She was gone from me forever and I would never hear her voice again. My mother's death had devastated me and I felt the loss everyday. I craved sleep all the time, but when I closed my eyes to drift away, terrible visions would cross my mind…gruesome mental images of her death.

The investigators in Jacksonville had decided that my mother's death was "suspect" due to that fact that she had not a drop of blood left in her entire body…a bloodless corpse with a gaping hole in her neck. Not exactly typical of a car accident.

Just thinking about it turned my stomach and made me feel dizzy. Because I knew the truth. When I had learned the details of my mother's death I had known immediately.

Vampire.

I knew that Victoria might be out there somewhere…looking for me, I imagined. Maybe someday she would find me and this would all be over. I worried a lot about Charlie back in Forks and I was only calmed by the fact that the Quileute tribe was looking after him.

After my mother's funeral, Jake had begged me to move home to Forks - for it was also clear to the Quileute tribe what had happened to my mother. They had known without a doubt that a vampire had killed her and they worried for my safety…especially Jake. I knew he really wanted to keep me under the watchful eye of the pack, but I had lived like that for almost a year…and I could not live my life like that again. I could not live my life in fear. Plus, Victoria had obviously lost interest in me. Otherwise she would have found me by now.

One day she had just stopped coming back to Forks, stopped trying to get past the wolf pack, stopped coming around my house...just gone. There was no trace of her in the woods for miles around and after a few months with no sign of her, the wolf pack ceased their search. A few months after that, I was gone to Scotland.

Although I knew I could never go back to the life I had before, I sometimes missed Forks so intensely that it was debilitating…but living there again would likely send me over the deep end. Too many memories…

Even after all of these years it was still difficult to think of _him_. It had been over four years since he had left and the gaping hole in my chest had long since healed over, (largely with thanks to Adrian), but I knew I needed to be extra cautious not to rip the wound open again. Sometimes I could not stop my mind from wandering to him. I wondered where he was…and if he knew about my mother's death. I wondered if he ever thought of me, his lowly human ex-girlfriend.

Adrian came around behind me, startling me out of my reverie, and wrapped his arms around my waist as I continued to chew my toast.

"You seem tired," he whispered in my ear. His warm breath tickled the hairs on my neck.

I was getting used to that.

Warm breath.

Adrian was like no man I had ever met before. He was brilliant…a mathematical genius, and so very kind.

We met in the library during my first semester at the University of Edinburgh and it was as though he had seen right through to my soul. I had found it so easy to be around him, laughing with my whole body at his caustic wit and quirky humour. It wasn't long before I found myself falling head over heels for him. He had been so patient with me during the time it took for me to open up to him. So very patient.

I admired his sarcastic intellect, his outrageous sense of humour and his endless knowledge base…but more than anything I admired the purity of his soul. He made me feel like I could do anything…like I could be myself again…but better. He had been there by my side at my mother's funeral. He had asked no questions about my odd behaviour these last few months…but I knew that he was there to listen if I needed him.

"I haven't been sleeping very well these days," I mentioned casually. I didn't feel it was necessary to worry him with needless details about my nightmares.

"I thought as much," Adrian said gruffly as he leaned over my shoulder and took a bite of my toast, chewing thoughtfully before swallowing. "You have been tossing and turning a lot. And you keep getting up to look out the window and I have to get you back into bed."

"Really?" I asked, startled as I turned around on my stool and wrapped my arms around his mid-section. He smelled like home. And boy. His smell comforted me and I buried my face in his t-shirt. "I don't usually sleep walk. I don't know what is wrong with me." My voice came out muffled and strange.

"You have had a lot on your mind these days and it is affecting your sleep. Don't worry yourself about it. This too shall pass."

I sighed deeply, releasing Adrian to his day. I suddenly felt so heavy and could think only of going back to sleep.

"I could stay home today, you know," he said, trying to keep his voice casual. "We could rent some movies and make popcorn…or stay in bed all day…" He winked as he looked down at me, taking my left hand and kissing the ring that he had placed there a year before my mother had died. His great-great-grandmother's engagement ring.

Renee had screamed with joy when I told her of our engagement. She adored Adrian and often mentioned to me how perfect he was for me. "My Yin to his Yang," she would say. Charlie's reaction was a little more understated, but I could tell from the twinkle in his eyes and his quiet respect for Adrian that he had been pleased by the news.

"No, no. Don't be silly. You have so much to get done today and I wouldn't want to get in your way. I think I am just going to have a bath and head to the library to study for my exam next week. You go!" I protested, pushing him away as I slid off the stool to my feet. I looked up into his face and tried to compose an authentic smile. When standing, the top my head barely cleared his chin and I had to crane my neck to see him.

He stood there for a moment, staring down at my face - scrutinizing my every feature. Sometimes he got that look…like he could see right down into my soul. As he gazed down at me his face became serious, and I shifted my weight awkwardly as his brilliant blue eyes continued to burn into mine. I was unclear what he saw there, but after a moment he moved forward, grabbing me by the waist and throwing me up over his shoulder as though I weighed nothing at all.

I laughed loudly in surprise, demanding that he put me down as he marched me up our rickety staircase to the bedroom. I struggled for supremacy, grasping at his boxer shorts that stuck out of the back of his jeans slightly, trying to give him a wedgie with little success. He almost crashed into the wall, howling with laughed as I tickled him along his sides. Just as we stumbled into the bedroom, the phone on the bedside table rang.

"This is not over yet," Adrian warned me sternly as he set me down on the bed.

"You bet it's not!" I retorted, crossing my arms across my chest in pseudo indignation. I couldn't hold the look for long and as he glanced over his shoulder at me I broke out laughing.

The phone continued to ring and Adrian reached for it.

"Yup," he said smoothly into the receiver, turning to wink at me. Long pause. I saw his shoulders tense and I wondered who was on the other line.

"Hey Jake! What's up?" Adrian asked, the tone of his voice suddenly on edge. My gaze shot to his face and I quickly stood holding my hand out for the receiver.

Jake and Adrian had met a few years ago in Forks when Adrian and I had gone to spend Christmas with Charlie. Billy and Jake had come to join us for Christmas dinner and the evening had been a disaster, to say the least. Jake was obviously still angry with me for leaving, and made no secret of it. On top of that, he had been very cold to Adrian…in fact, he had been down right rude. Even Charlie noticed and scolded Jake about his manners, but Charlie seemed confused by the situation...Jake and I had always been such good friends. Adrian had sort of brushed it off Jake's behaviour, but I could tell the feeling was mutual. Since that Christmas, he was never happy when Jake called. I think he suspected Jake's true feelings toward me…something that made us both uncomfortable.

"Yeah, she's here…should I…huh?" There was another long pause and I began to grow impatient waiting for Adrian to hand me the phone. It had been a while since I had talked to Jake.

We had not exactly parted on the best terms. It had been hard for us ever since I left Forks. Jacob had been very angry with me for choosing to leave, for he had always hoped that we would become something more than just very good friends. Jake and I had grown very close during the time that I was protected by the wolves, but no matter how I tried, I could not reciprocate Jake's feelings for me. However much I loved him, it was never enough…I could never love him the way that he deserved to be loved.

I looked up at Adrian's face and was surprised to see a look of horror in his eyes and I felt my skin prickle and go cold. Suddenly I felt like something was very wrong…I could feel it.

"No." Adrian said suddenly…and the tone of his voice made my stomach drop. Yes - something was very wrong.

"Adrian, give me the phone," I demanded. He continued to stand there listening to whatever Jake was saying on the other end of the line.

I grabbed the phone away from Adrian as he stood in shock. I put the receiver to my ear.

"Jake?" I asked.

"Bella. Oh my God, Bella," Jake voice came muffled across the phone line. He sounded like he was crying.

"What…what's going on?" I stuttered, own voice thick with worry.

"Bella, it's Charlie. I am so sorry, I am so so sorry! We tried to get to him in time, but the red haired leech…she - "

"Jake, what happened?" I cut him off, yelling into the phone as I began to shake all over. Adrian was staring at me with darkness in his eyes.

"Bella...Charlie is dead."

**END NOTES: Thank you for reading! This story will be full of twists and turns…let me know if you think I should continue.**


	2. The Window

**CHAPTER NOTES: Thank you all for reading. I would just like to mention that this story will be entirely from Bella's POV. This is her journey and I find it adds more mystery. **

**I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

We pulled our rental car into the gravel driveway just as the sky began to darken. Rocks flew up from under the tires, ricocheting off the metal underbelly of the car and jarring me from my dazed trance. I looked up into the dark windows of Charlie's house and a chill ran down my spine; the once warm and inviting home now seemed empty…lifeless. Adrian pulled the keys out of the ignition and we sat for a moment in silence, giving ourselves time to prepare for the emotional onslaught. There was nothing that I wanted more than to drop into a deep, black sleep - to fall away from reality. I took even cleansing breaths as the rain pounded on the roof of the car, aggravating my raw nerves. Adrian reached across the consul and twined his fingers with mine, giving me a gentle squeeze. He made no move to get out of the vehicle and for that I was grateful…I needed another moment to collect myself.

"I will be right by your side. We will get through this together, Bella."

Adrian's voice sounded muted in the din of the rain…dreamlike. I exhaled deeply, pushing all of the air from my lungs, as I reached for the door handle and stepped out into downpour. I looked up again at the rickety white house as my red converse sank into the muddy gravel of the driveway. The rain streamed down from the eaves troughs, pooling in the mud - vines growing up the lattice, out of control. The house was in slight disrepair, like it had been abandoned for longer than a week. It caused me to wonder how Charlie had actually been fairing in the last days of his life. The thought of him sitting alone at the diner and coming home to a dark empty house caused my heart to sink and my stomach to burn with shame; I should have been there for him…I should have visited more often.

I took a few steps forward, leaving the car door open behind me. My feet moved of their own accord as I made my way up the driveway. A cool breeze fluttered under my wet t-shirt and I shivered violently against the aching misery of my heart.

Charlie would never be in this house again…this house that I had always associated with him.

He had not, however, spent his last moments here. He had followed a 911 call just outside of town - alone. His mutilated corpse was found later that evening drained of blood; his head almost completely severed from his body. My breath was coming in short gasps and I tried to push those thoughts down, to keep them out of my mind's eye.

I slowly lifted my feet up the wooden porch steps, where I stood for a moment, staring blankly at the front door…unsure if I was ready to go in.

I needed to pull it together. There was so much that we needed to do before the funeral the day after tomorrow, and I had to be strong if we were going to get through this.

We needed to go through my father's will and plan the funeral. Billy knew what to do and was planning on coming by tomorrow to go through it with me. We also needed to get started on cleaning the house out and deciding whether to put it on the market or find someone to rent it. I didn't really like either of those options, but they were the only practical solutions. Adrian and I didn't have much, and we couldn't afford to keep this house if we didn't rent it.

Thinking of all of the tasks that lay ahead overwhelmed my exhausted body and I longed for a steaming hot shower and to crawl into bed. I suddenly couldn't remember the last time I had actually slept…like, really slept.

The last few days had been a whirlwind of activity and emotions. I had fallen into a state of shock and didn't remember much of what happened…not even the journey to the United States. I had received permission to postpone my mid-term exam, and Adrian had been given an extension on his project, although it was going to be very difficult for him to catch up when we returned to Scotland _(when would that be?)_. We found the cheapest flights we could to Seattle and packed our bags for the trip, not knowing how long we would be gone.

Adrian had eyed me warily during the flight, for I had stared straight ahead: unable to sleep, unable to speak, unable to comprehend what was happening in my life. I had said so little since we had heard news of my father's death. There was just so much that I couldn't explain to Adrian…so much he wouldn't understand; I felt so alone. He, especially, wouldn't understand that danger that we were now in. How could I explain to him that a vampire had killed both of my parents and would not stop killing until she had ended my life?

I heard Adrian come up the porch steps behind me as I continued to stare at the front door.

"Do you want me to open it, Bella?" he asked, softly. The kindness in his voice caused my heart to swell with gratitude. I nodded and he stepped passed me. He took the key from under the welcome mat and unlocked the front door. The old door creaked open into the darkness of the house where my father used to live. Adrian stepped through and turned on the hall light, grabbing my hand and tugging gently at my fingers.

"Come on, I will make you some food. You've eaten barely anything for days."

I nodded again, trying to smile to show him my gratitude. I was sure that I failed miserably at my attempted smile, but he seemed to correctly interpret the odd twisting of my face and smiled back. He gave my fingers a quick squeeze before releasing them and picking up one of the suitcases and taking it up the stairs.

I showered while Adrian scrounged up whatever he could find in the kitchen, which turned out to be alphagetti with cut up hotdogs in it. It was surprisingly delicious and I wolfed down the rare delicacy. Everything that Adrian cooked tasted ten times better than when I cooked it…even alphaghetti. I could almost taste the love that he must have added liberally during the preparation. After dinner, we watched a little bit of TV on the flat-screen until my eyes would not stay open any longer. Although I was completely exhausted, I knew that I would have difficulties sleeping, so I took some of the Ativan that my doctor had prescribed and when we finally climbed into bed, I was out before my head even hit the pillow.

I was jarred awake by something crashing against me, almost knocking me from the bed. The Ativan that I had taken just before we had gone to sleep had taken full effect, and it took me a moment to realize where I was. I shook my head, muttering some half sleeping words as I heard the door crash against the wall and Adrian yelling. I fumbled blindly for the lamp on the bedside table, trying to figure out what was going on. A cool breeze from the window brushed the hair from my forehead as I put my feet down onto the cold hardwood. Had I left that window open?

Adrian stormed back into the room with Charlie's baseball bat in his hands and a wild look in his eyes that terrified me.

"Bella, get out of bed and come downstairs with me. Now!" Adrian yelled, reaching out for me with his free hand. The look of fear on his face sent my heart racing, yet my body was still heavy from the drugs and I found it difficult to drag myself from between the sheets.

What was happening?

Adrian yanked at my arm, pulling me toward the door, away from the window, with a force that he had never used with me.

"What…what is happening?" I was finally able to ask as I stumbled out into the hallway behind Adrian, stubbing my toe on the leg of my old desk.

"Just come downstairs."

Adrian was breathing heavily, his eyes darting into every dark corner of the house. I felt the skin begin to crawl away from my body as I imagined the reasons for Adrian's strange behavior. _Was she here?_ Adrian was always calm and methodical and I had never seen him in such a state.

The kitchen seemed dark and eerie and the windows were like dark gaping eyes into the unknown.

"I fucking swear, I saw a shadow…a…man standing in our window," he said through heavy breaths, as he closed the curtains in the kitchen.

An ice cube slipped down my spine, causing my own breath to imitate Adrian's. The open window! A man? Could it be…

"I jumped out of bed, and…fuck! He leapt right out the fucking window." Adrian pulled a corner of the curtain away from the glass, peaking out into the dark night. "I have never seen anyone move so fast," he mumbled, almost to himself. "Almost like…like a ghost. And right out the second story window! He should have broken a leg, but by the time I got to the window…" his words fell away to nothing, as if he did not know how to continue. He spent another few moments staring out the window (baseball bat still in hand) with a determined look on his face. When he turned back to me, his expression changed immediately from fear to concern.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked, setting down the baseball bat with a clatter and pulling me into his arms. "You are shaking like a leaf! I am so sorry to have frightened you, Mo muirnín. I am sure there is no reason to be scared. I am here."

I suddenly realized how hard I was shaking, my teeth banging against each other, reverberating through my skull. I felt my blood freezing in my veins and my legs turning to jello.

My body seemed to recognize what was happening, but for all of those violent physical reactions, I could not force my brain to comprehend the truth. I could not wrap my mind around the possibility…the possibility that it was…_him_. The neatly stitched and newly healed scar along my chest began to tear open at an agonizing velocity. I grasped madly at my chest, trying to hold myself together, but I was coming apart at the seams. I was gasping for breath as I clawed at my nightshirt, trying to push together the open wound. I began to see spots before my eyes, the foreground seeming to fade into the background.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…breath there, Bella," Adrian said, and I could hear that panic in his voice again. "I'm sure it was'na anything! I was surely dreaming. Come now, sit yourself. Put your head between your legs, like so." He positioned my head carefully between my knees and I tried to take deep, even breaths.

It was all becoming too much to bear. My mother was dead, my father was dead, and a malicious, vindictive Vampire was pursuing me.

But that shadow in the window was not something that I should fear; he was likely there for my protection…to keep me safe. I imagined the guilt that he might have felt when he discovered the death of both my parents. I am almost certain that he had taken the onus upon _himself_, finding _himself_ responsible. He would be there in the shadows now, and he would stay until Victoria was dead. Then he would go back to his _distractions_.

I felt the bile rising in my throat as strange acidic thoughts flooded my mind. I thought of all of the people that could still get hurt, who might still die because of me. My mother had likely suffered a terrible death. I am certain that my father was not spared any pain. Had they known, in their last moments, what was to become of them? Was it quick? Did they understand the reasoning behind it? Were they afraid? Tears poured down my face and I was wracked with sobs that controlled my body. Adrian just held me in his arms as he waited out the hysterics.

"Ah, there you are, now," Adrian's gentle breath brushed against my ear, comforting. "Let it all out. I was beginning to worry about you, love. No sense holding it all in." He pulled his strong arms more tightly around me, rocking me back and forth in a gentle rhythm.

After a time, my cries quieted and we sat silently in the kitchen. I had no idea what I would have done, were it not for Adrian. He was holding me together, and the comfort that I received from him was immeasurable. I needed him. If I knew what was good for me, I would forget about that dark shadow in the window. I would forget the past completely, if I could. _Could I?_

We slept on the couch in the living room that night. My sleep was fitful (despite the medicinal encouragement), partly due to jetlag and partly due to the stress of the waking day. We woke abruptly to a heavy banging on the front door sometime after mid-day and Adrian jumped off the couch, grabbing the baseball bat before flinging the door open without hesitation.

I climbed off the couch, rubbing my eyes vigorously, trying to adjust to the daylight. Jake walked in the door right passed Adrian without so much as a nod.

"What the hell, Bella," he said perturbed, as his eyes landed on me. I noticed immediately that he had grown another few inches, likely putting him at around 6,7 or so. His hair had grown in a bit, rumpled in its usual way, and he had dark circles under his eyes as though he had not slept in weeks.

I could relate.

I felt a tinge of concern when I noticed newly acquired scares across his broad, shirtless chest. I stood from the couch and moved closer to him, to get a better look at the angry red claw marks across his russet skin.

"Hullo, Jake," my voice scratched him name, thick with sleep. He stood there for another moment, continuing to glare at me before his expression softened and his shoulders slumped. He closed the distance between us in one quick, even stride and pulled me firmly into his arms, sniffing the top of my head the way he always had.

"You were supposed to call me as soon as your flight got in! I didn't even know you were here until about an hour ago. Damn it, Bella! Why do you always have to be so reckless," he whispered in my ear. His voice sounded angry, but I could hear the worry seeping out from underneath his words.

My eyes met with Adrian's as he closed the front door (perhaps a little too firmly), leaning the baseball bat against the wall. His face was expressionless, but I could see irritation burning in his radiant blue eyes, and I wanted to do everything in my power to discourage that. Adrian and Jake were just going to have to get along.

"Hello, Jake. How is everything?" Adrian said politely, ignoring Jake's tantrum, as he walked back into the living room and collapsed on the couch.

"Fine," Jake replied, without really even looking at Adrian.

"Jake," I breathed quietly in a chastising tone. His eyes flashed to mine and I shot him my most convincing 'stern' glare. He rolled his eyes and sighed deeply before sitting quietly next to Adrian on the couch.

"Everything is okay. How 'bout you?" Jake asked Adrian with forced pleasantry. I smirked at the two of them before proceeding to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee, calling over my shoulder as I went.

"Breakfast anyone?"

"Yes please," Jake called enthusiastically.

I began pulling ingredients out of the sparsely stocked fridge, and put on a pot of coffee. I really needed coffee if I was going to make it through this day.

I began to wonder how Jake had discovered that I was here and if he knew about the…other vampire that might possibly be in the area. It really was stupid of me not to have called him, but I had been so overwhelmed by everything that my brain had not been functioning at any kind of credible capacity.

Jake, Adrian and I ate our pancakes quietly over the breakfast table. Jake mentioned that Sam Uley was bringing Billy over in a while to discuss tomorrow's service with me. He also wanted to talk to me about Charlie's will, as he had long ago been named Charlie's executor, back before I was 18. After breakfast, Adrian went upstairs to take a shower and Jake and I took our steaming mugs of coffee out onto the front porch.

We sat in silence for a few moments, staring out into the forest, before Jake finally spoke.

"Do you know he's back?" he asked quietly without looking my way. He had always been wary about broaching that topic with me, fearful of my reaction. I sighed deeply trying to ignore my heart pounding in my ears. I took a sip of my coffee and swallowed before replying, not wanting Jake to know how much the news had affected me.

"I know."

Jake sighed again, still refusing to look my way, and I knew that he was getting ready to say something that I wouldn't like.

"You can't leave Forks, Bella. We need you to stay here now, so that we can protect you. Actually, I would prefer it if you'd come to live with us in La Push," he said, clearing his throat and I was quiet, waiting it out. "It's obvious she isn't going to leave you alone now…and I don't think that Cullen bloodsucker is going to leave you alone either." I shuddered at his name. "It's better you just come and stay with us – we can protect you. We can keep you safe." His jaw was set and his dark brown eyes looked hard with determination. He stared out into the forest as his fingers clenched and un-clenched.

"I don't know, Jake," I said calmly, not wanting to upset him further. "I know that I am not safe and I really don't want to put anyone in danger, but what would I say to Adrian? We have a life back in Scotland. I have a scholarship that I don't want to lose, and…"

"Bella," Jake cut me off, "neither of you is safe. Adrian is in just as much trouble as you are. Can't you see; she is trying to get to you through the people you love? I don't know what she is playing at, but I am pretty much sure that she was trying to lead you back here so that she could get to you." The thought of someone hurting Adrian caused my stomach to flip.

"I know," I said simply. "I just don't know what to do. Do I have to think about it right now?" I felt myself beginning to panic. There was so much that hung in the balance, so much that I needed to deal with. I didn't want anyone to get hurt.

Jake didn't answer, as something had suddenly caught his attention. He reached over and grabbed my left hand, studying the intricate silver and the small diamond that adorned my ring finger. Jake's whole body went stiff and his eyes darkened. After a moment of careful inspection he released my hand, his eyes burning into mine.

"You aren't actually going to marry that guy, are you?" His voice came as almost a whisper. I paused for a moment. I really did not want to have that conversation, but I decided it was better to get it over with.

"I love him, Jake. He makes me happy," I said, trying to stay calm. "Can't you just accept that? Can't you make an effort to be nice? I need the support of my best friend right now."

Jake's shoulders relaxed minutely and his eyes softened.

"Okay, okay. I am sorry, Bella…I guess I just need a little time to get used to this. I sometimes just wish things had been…different," he said looking away. I felt the frustration building inside of me. I hated hurting Jake, but we had been over this so many times before and the last time, we didn't talk for months afterward. As selfish as it was, I couldn't stand that thought right now. I was too overwhelmed and Adrian was just inside.

"Jake, please! Don't talk like that! I don't know what to do when you say things like that!" I said, trying not to let the frustration come through in my tone. "I really need you two to get along, because honestly, I can't stand that kind of conflict right now. And I definitely can't stand that kind of conflict between you and me. I don't want to fight with you anymore, Jake! I just want things to be like they used to be!" Jake sighed deeply, looking down at his hands as though he was trying to make a decision. When he finally spoke, he seemed resigned.

"I know, I am sorry, Bella. I promise I will make an effort," he said, leaning forward and pulling me toward him, wrapping his long, warm arms around me. I breathed in his familiar scent, like pine with a hint of cigar smoke. His body continued to radiate heat, which was very pleasant on such a cool summer day. When I finally tugged myself free from his embrace, I was amazing at how much better I felt.

"How are you holding up? Are you doing okay?" Jake asked, after a moment.

"I don't know…I guess I am still in shock," I said, getting to my feet as we heard Sam's truck pull onto the street. The trees in the wind swayed gently around us, and the first few raindrops began to fall from the sky, splattering on the wood near our feet. I stepped back a few inches so that I was fully covered by the porch roof. Jake jumped down the steps as the truck pulled into the driveway and yanked gate of the truck open to pull down Billy's wheelchair. I stood on the top step patiently, trying not to allow my eyes to drift to the woods, but the movement of the trees was like a magnet - pulling me and pulling me. My eyes flickered across the dark green canopy, but I saw nothing there.

Sam Uley stepped out of the driver's side of the truck and nodded at me solemnly, as Jake helped Billy out of the passenger side.

"Bella," Billy called as Jake pushed his wheelchair toward the ramp. Our eyes met and I saw a deep sadness in his eyes. I stumbled down the steps and made my way across the gravel toward Billy and he held his arms out toward me. I was suddenly very glad to see my father's best friend, a man that had known my father longer than anyone; a man that loved and respected my father. It felt nice to be surrounded by the people that had known Charlie and loved him…because in a way, Charlie would live on in the hearts of these people. In that way, he would never truly be gone. Tears burned my eyes as Billy wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tight. I couldn't remember ever having hugged Billy before. It felt nice…like being hugged by family. We pulled away and I brushed the tears from my eyes, motioning for them to all to come in. Adrian met us at the top of the steps, reaching out to shake Billy's hand as he came up the ramp. A few moments later the sky opened and the rain began to pour down.

A sudden gust of wind blew violently through the trees and my eyes flickered again to the woods. I saw nothing but the thick depths of green and the movement of the leaves dancing in the wind…but I knew; he was out there somewhere. Whether or not he would make himself known to me…only time would tell.

**END NOTES: Thank you all so much for reading! Please review and let me know what you think! The more reviews I get, usually the faster the update! Next chapter – what you have all been waiting for! ;-)**


	3. Dirt

**CHAPTER NOTES:**

**Hello again, to my fine readers! I am sorry for the delay, but I promise you another chapter within the next few days…like two or the days I think.**

**I really want to thank not4got10 for her support and her friendship! You all should go and read her AMAZING story "The Secret Room". It will blow you away.**

**Well, here is the next chapter…**

Disclaimer: Edward is not mine and neither is Matthew Bellamy. *sobs*

I closed my eyes as the wind whipped through my hair; the sound of the tall trees thrashing wildly around us cut the silence of the afternoon. My heels sunk deeper into the pooling mud as if the weight of the world was pushing me down. The rise and fall of Minister Webber's voice lulled me into memories of my father, as all of Forks and La Push stood around the gravesite to say their last goodbyes to Charlie Swan.

Many of my old classmates from high school were gathered around, as well as several of Charlie's friends from the reservation that, despite having spent so much time there in recent years, I had not seen since I was a little girl. It was so strange to be surrounded by all the people of my past. It felt kind of like coming home.

Sue Clearwater had hugged me tightly through her tears and presented me with a very large casserole that I was certain could feed an army of wolves (and likely would). Jessica Stanley had greeted me with a warm hug and her condolences. We had chatted for a little while, and I found it very nice to talk to her after all of these years. She had changed quite a lot, (as had I) and I found my heart softening when she introduced me to her small son that had her beautiful eyes and nose.

Ben Cheney and Angela Webber (now Cheney, actually) were also in attendance, hand in hand. I had learned of their marriage a few years ago and could not have been happier for them; they seemed to me the definition of true love...I could tell by the adoring way that Ben looked at Angela, and how she leaned into his side.

Mike Newton and his family had arrived shortly thereafter as well as Lauren Mallory, Tyler Crowley, Eric Yorkie and many other familiar faces. Everyone had changed so much and yet they were the same people that I had known all my life...the same people that I had come of age with.

Adrian stood at my side, holding my hand tightly and refusing to let go. I needed him more than ever today, and he had never once left my side. His warmth and familiarity was like my life raft as I headed toward the waterfall...or perhaps I had already gone over the edge; it was hard to tell at this point. Jake flanked my other side and every once in a while he would bump into my shoulder ever so slightly. I knew he was doing it on purpose, to comfort me and let me know that he was there by my side and I was eternally grateful.

The rain began to fall again and I lifted my head slightly as I listened to Billy begin the eulogy. He spoke about the wonderful person that Charlie had been and how so many had depended on him...as a brave officer of the law...as a friend...as a father. I felt my throat tighten as I thought of the last few times I had seen Charlie. He had been so proud of me and my stupid scholarship and all of the choices that I had made in my life. He was never one for words, but he had beamed outwardly as Adrian had relayed to him how hard I had been studying in University and the kind of marks that I had been getting. Although Charlie and I had never had heart to hearts when I was growing up, as many little girls did with their fathers, I never questioned his love for me. It was always so clear to me how much he had loved me, and I had always known he would be there for me - my unyielding support system.

I choked on my tears as the skies opened to us and as the rain came pouring down, so did my grief. Adrian's arm snaked around my midsection as he realized once again that I was falling to pieces. I looked at the deep black pit that the coffin was slowly being lowered into. It looked so dark and cold. I couldn't imagine my warm and loving father spending an eternity in such a dark and lonely place.

Suddenly, there was a ripple through the crowd and I could feel every member of the wolf pack bristle, freezing in position.

I felt Jake stiffen at my side and a low growl emitted from his chest, causing my heart to stop and my senses to heighten. There was a strange tingling at the back of my neck, accompanied by an overpowering magnetic pull from somewhere in the crowd...what was that?

I felt like every nerve in my body was alight with a familiar sensation...a familiar presence. There was a moment, a split second, where my mind cleared - and when I recognized what I was experiencing, my blood ran cold; my mouth went dry and I felt as though the world were caving inward.

I kept my eyes lowered as the panic began to rise within me. He was here. He was standing somewhere close by - I could feel it.

Conflicting emotions jousted for supremacy and I couldn't wrap my mind around the concept that he was close by. He had become like a ghost to me and sometimes I wondered if he had really even existed. But now he was here...after all this time, he had come back. Right back into my life. Visions of his departure flashed in my mind and I felt an unfamiliar anger flare up inside of me, intensified by the stress and sorrow of the day.

I wanted to yell and rage like a petulant child, screaming at him until he left again...and this time for good! He had promised me that I would never see him again; I had started a new life and now he was going to ruin everything. _What was he even doing here?_ A part of me felt as though I wanted him to leave, but at the same time I wanted to lay my eyes upon him and seek the comfort of his cold arms. He had known my father...he too had cared for Charlie. I wanted him to brush the hair away from my brow and whisper words of comfort in my ear as he used to...as he did in my dreams. I was hurt and angry, and yet there was a part of me that felt like we were irrevocably linked...and I had somehow known all along that I would see him again. I just didn't know how I felt about it.

Without realizing what I was doing, I slowly lifted my gaze, as though I was in a trance - pulled forward by an invisible force. My breath caught in my throat.

There he was, standing not ten feet from me - staring. He was more beautiful than I remembered. His eyes were pitch black...blacker than the day I first laid eyes on him. He had dark purplish bags under his eyes and his skin looked paler than I remembered...but aside from that...he was perfect. So beautiful that my breath caught in my throat. His eyes were burning right into mine...I knew they would be.

His smooth face gave away no emotion. Perfect control - just as he had looked the day he left. His stoic collectedness; his unemotional stare proved to me that he did not care for me. His cold glare cut me quick, and I knew he did not love me. He never had.

As we continued to stare at each other across the crowd of friends and family, something suddenly occurred to me. There was something behind his cold stare... a desperation that he seemed unable to control. I could suddenly see right through his stoicism.

I could see something hiding behind his vacant stare...a wayward intensity that shocked me to the core. My mind became very still as I stared unabashedly into the eyes of the man that had ripped my heart out...the man that had so very nearly ruined me. Something didn't make sense. I thought I had understood what had happened between Edward and me...but now I was unsure. I have no idea what my expression must have looked like, but the longer I stared, unguarded, into his eyes, the weaker his control became.

The quiet desperation began to roar behind his perfectly arranged features until it overcame him. In one moment, his eyes became full of fear and unhappiness. I saw that he had aged, not five years, but a thousand years. I felt, rather than saw, a shift in his demeanour. Suddenly my enervated soul caught up with me, and in one frantic attempt at self-preservation, I forced myself to break the connection, casting my gaze downward.

I tried to understand what had just happened. I knew that I was not meant to have seen that imploring gaze; I knew that Edward had betrayed himself in a moment of uncertainty...but what did it all mean?

I couldn't continue to force my eyes down. As always, Edward was like a drug to me. No matter how much pain it caused me, I couldn't stay away from him and when our eyes met again, something had changed. I could see...resolution? He was still staring at me, his eyes pleading. He looked so sad that my heart lurched in my chest.

Suddenly the connection was broken, and Edward's sad eyes strayed a little to my left...to where Adrian was standing at my side. I followed his gaze until I too was looking upon Adrian.

I had never seen such a dark look on Adrian's face and I could not imagine what thoughts must be accompanying such a look. The fire behind Adrian's eyes, as he glared at Edward, was so hateful that it sent shivers down my spine. I had never seen Adrian look that way, and as his scrutiny focused, it intensified. I looked back to Edward and noticed that he had taken a step back, looking hesitantly back at me.

A small figure stepped from behind Edward and my heart leapt again to see the warm, golden eyes of my once best friend, Alice Cullen. So she was here too. I suddenly wondered if all the Cullens were back and if so...why?

The look of regret and sadness was so pronounced on Alice's delicate features that I imagined for a moment that she had missed me as much as I had missed her. I immediately scolded myself for allowing such a fanciful thought to enter the realm of my mental sanity. I immediately jerked my head down to refocus on the dirt, trying to breathe through the tears, as I wrapped my arms around my torso to once again close the now gaping wound in my chest. Jake must have taken notice of my newly re-acquired stance and put himself between the Cullens and me, in an effort to protect my fragile well-being. But it was too late. The damage had already been done.

Charlie was slowly lowered into the ground and friends and family took turns throwing handfuls of dirt into the open grave, and saying their last goodbyes. I stepped forward and bent down to grab my own handful of earth. Granules of dirt embedded under my fingernails and I released it, mixed with the rain and tears, onto my father's grave. Edward appeared suddenly at my side throwing a handful of dirt in after mine, and he leaned closer, his breath brushing up against my ear.

"Bella." His voice was low and soft. I shuddered at the memories and sensations that his voice evoked. "I am so sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing that I can say...but..." his voice faltered, falling flat.

I was suddenly unsure if I had ever heard him at a loss for words. I parted my lips to reply, but my mouth was so dry that my voice came out scratched and harsh.

"It wasn't your fault," I said simply, not trusting myself to say anything more. I turned and made my way back to Adrian and Jake without turning around to look back at him - but I knew he was watching me. Jake's face was bright red and I could tell that he was rebelling against his very instincts; I knew that there was nothing that Jake wanted more than to rip Edward limb from limb. Adrian gave me a small smile, but there was something strange hidden behind his deep blue eyes. Something I had never seen there before.

Everyone headed back the La Push (except the Cullens), to Sue Clearwater's house for an enormous dinner and copious amounts of alcohol, followed by more alcohol and a bonfire. There seemed to be more people at the reservation now than there had been at the funeral and friends and family constantly surrounded me, comforting me and offering me condolences and food. The back of our rental car was jam packed with tins of cookies, pots and glass casserole dishes. Sue Clearwater's house was also overflowing with food, baked goods and bouquets of beautiful flowers. Jake and Quil continually plied me with alcohol and for once in my life I did not turn them down.

As the sky grew dark, many of the younger tribesmen brought out their drums and began a round dance in honour of Charlie's life. The rhythmic pounding of the drums and the strangely beautiful wailing of the elder tribesmen filled the air and I was pulled deeper into a dreamlike state...a strange dark trance, as I continued to tip back my glass of vodka. Adrian sat beside me the entire time, his eyes relentlessly flickering through the crowd as though he were searching for someone. It took me a while to consider that he might be looking for Edward. Little did he know, Edward would not be coming to La Push. We were safe from his presence here.

After a while, I noticed that Adrian and I had been sharing a large bottle of Vodka and between the two of us we had made quite a bit of progress. My drinks were becoming stronger and stronger, and I began to feel numb to the sadness and stress of the day. As we sat by the blazing bonfire, the buzz of voices and music, and the safe familiarity of La Push, calmed my weary heart. My brain felt fuzzy and relaxed as Leah Clearwater wrapped a thick wool blanket around Adrian and me. We listened to Seth and Jake bickering and I may have even laughed a little. People told stories about Charlie, and I found myself learning things about my father that I had never known and I surprised myself by laughing really hard at some of the stories. Awkward Charlie, embarrassed Charlie, shy Charlie...I was beginning to realize the kind of impact that my father had made on the residents of Forks and La Push and I beamed with pride.

Several hours and waaaay too much Vodka later, Adrian and I were quietly sitting by the fire, still wrapped in the warm blanket.

Adrian tossed one of his arms around my shoulder and leaned in drunkenly. I tilted my head up to him and caught a quick glimpse of that strange look in his eyes again.

"Who was that guy today, Bella?" His breath was hot on my ear and I could hear a tremor in his tone and no matter how drunk he was (or I was, for that matter) I recognized that tone. Insecurity...tinged with jealousy. "You know the one...with the strange reddish hair and black eyes?"

"Hmmm," I breathed, closing my eyes to stop the unpleasant shifting of the earth. Nothing like a harsh dose of reality to help a person realize how drunk they actually are. I took an enormous gulp of vodka, not bothering to cut it with soda (the obvious anecdote to a spinning head) and shook my head vigorously, trying to rid myself of the haunting reminder of Edward's burning eyes. My stomach turned unpleasantly and I looked at my hands, gripping the glass tumbler like it was the key to my existence. After a moment, Adrian sighed deeply.

"That is what I thought," he said, the strange tone suddenly exaggerated. I turned my head and was met with the look...the one where he could see my soul. In that moment, I feared that look; his inquisitive gaze probing for my darkest secrets. I quickly blurted out the first thing that came to mind to escape the look.

"He was nobody...someone from my past. I really don't want to talk about it," my voice did not sound like my own and I knew immediately that I was not going to get away with my statement.

"Yes, and normally I would respect your privacy, but for one tiny detail, Bella." His voice was low and serious.

"And what is that?" I asked, suddenly nervous.

"You are in love with that guy. And he is certainly in love with you," he said, much too coherently for someone who had ingested as much alcohol as he had.

I froze in horror, my heart stopping dead cold in my chest. My first instinct was to revolt and I pushed Adrian away forcefully, the blanket slipped away from my back as I stood up much too quickly and stumbled away from the fire.

I stalked off to Jake's garage, and was immediately cold without the warm fire and blanket. The garage was dark and smelled of oil and old wood...such comforting smells to me now. I took another step into the garage, turning my head too quickly and suddenly the earth shifted again and I fell forward onto my hands and knees painfully, scraping them on the dirty floor. Adrian was immediately by my side, pulling me to my feet, despite his own drunkenness. He brushed me off roughly, enveloping my hands in his own large hands, inspecting the damage that I had done. I swayed on my feet, trying to find my centre of balance, but Adrian held fast to my arms, holding my weight against his own. The firelight flickered across his face through the open door and I could just make out his features...but not enough to read his emotions.

"I think you just proved me right," he whispered sadly.

"What? No!" I suddenly shouted, infuriated by myself...because I had no idea if that was true or not. My own feeling eluded me; they were so many layers of uncertainty and hurt. If I felt anything for Edward Cullen, it was likely much closer to hate. At least that is what it felt like. I shook my head wildly again, trying to clear my thoughts so that I was comprehensive enough to put Adrian at ease. The thought of hurting him was too much for me to bear.

"No. I said, this time more calmly. "I only love one man. You...you have inspired me and comforted me and loved me. Edward...that man..." I struggled for words, but my tongue was proving uncooperative, "he once meant something to me...and I know that I am not responding the right way, but I swear to you, Adrian, I want to marry you. I want to grow old with you. Not to mention...that man does _not_ love me. Of this much I can assure you."

"Bella, I think I know when a man is in love with you. I can name a dozen assholes that would give anything to be with you...and I have strongly considered killing at least... all of them," he chuckled quietly. "And that guy today...Edward, as you say, he is definitely in love with you. I could tell by the way that he looked at you...like...like you were something to eat," he said, trying to smile. I shivered a little at his words, but tried to push them to the back of my mind.

I knew that I was behaving poorly and that I was hurting Adrian. I was going to mess everything up if I didn't get my act together. My stomach sank a little as I thought about how little I showed him how I felt. I never wanted him to question my feelings for him...or how grateful I was to have him in my life. He deserved better than that. I didn't realize that I was crying until Adrian was gently kissing the tears away from my cheeks.

"Please," I whispered, "I just can't talk about this. Just know that I love you and that is all that matters."

Adrian pulled me against his chest and held me tight as he took a deep breath.

"He really hurt you, didn't he? Is he the reason that it took you so long to...to um...open up to me?" he asked, stumbling drunkenly over his words. I could still hear the sadness in his voice and I suddenly thought that I would do anything to make that go away. I squeezed him tighter as the tears continued to flow down my cheeks, soaking the sleeve of his jacket.

"Yes," I said uncertainly, "but you opened my heart again. As cheesy as this sounds, Adrian, you taught me to love again. If it were not for you, I...I don't know where I would be. You have been so understanding and patient...you truly have helped me to be myself again. You are perfect for me. You have to know that."

The garage door suddenly crashed against the wall and Adrian and I both jumped.

"Hey you guys!" Jake was suddenly behind us, swaying a little in the firelight. He slid his hand along the wall until he found the switch to flick on the lights. I blinked against the dim bulb that filled the garage with an eerie light.

"You should probably crash here tonight. I don't think there is anyone sober enough to give you a ride back into Forks," Jake said, his voice a bit hard as he saw Adrian and I locked in an embrace.

I tried to refrain from rolling my eyes as he looked anywhere but us. I knew that he wanted us to stay in La Push because he wanted to keep a close eye on us. No one had seen Victoria at all in the past week and there was once again no sign of her in the surrounding woods.

I was actually quite keen to stay in La Push that evening, as the thought of being anywhere near Edward put me on edge. I craved the safety of the treaty and the comfort of my adopted family that night.

The thought of sleep suddenly made me realize how tired I actually was. My eyes grew heavy and drooped down so that I could only see through a thin slit and I leaned heavily on Adrian.

"You tired, Bells?" Jake asked, laughing as his eyes finally met with mine. I responded with an exaggerated yawn and mumbled something about having too much to drink.

"Well, you guys can sleep at Emily's house tonight. She has got the spare bedroom and all, so yeah. We should maybe call it a night," Jake said, stretching to about ten feet tall with his arms way up in the air, easily touching the wooden beams of the garage roof.

"Thanks, Jake," I heard Adrian's voice say from above me, "for everything."

"Yeah, no problem, I guess," Jake responded, sounding uncomfortable with Adrian's words, and he turned to walk toward Emily's house, motioning for us to follow behind him.

That night, I fell into a very odd sleep. In my dream, I was sobbing hysterically trying to see around me...but I couldn't; I was crying too hard to see clearly. I felt hopeless and lost. Suddenly, cold arms were around me, holding me tight. I was comforted slightly...but I knew I could never go back...that things had changed forever, and I was alone. When I woke up the following morning, I was filled with an inexplicable feeling of dread. Or maybe that was just the world's worst hang over.

**CHAPTER END NOTES:**

**Thank you, all so much for reading! So how is it going for you? Any idea what is coming next? One thing I can promise you is a LOT more Edward from here on. And boat loads of angst. Yeah…this is going to get pretty angsty…but there may be a HEA in the distant horizon. Drop me a line!**


	4. Hangover

**CHAPTER NOTES: Thank you all so much for the reviews and the PMs…they dazzle my heart. I would like to thank noy4got10 for helping me suss out a few plot points and for being so super awesome in every way.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. There are some bits in italics which were taken directly from New Moon…but I am sure you will recognize them.**

I woke up the following morning with a pounding headache. A beam of gloomy pale light peaked through the old white curtains and trailed across the wooden beams of the floor. The bed that Adrian and I were cuddled up in (more for practical purposes than romantic) could not have been much bigger than a twin and its springs dug uncomfortably into my back. But the warm flannel sheets were soft against my skin and smelled like sweet lavender - and despite the bed, I was quite comfortable. I vaguely remembered climbing into bed late last night, after Emily had forced several glasses of water on me and helped me into one of her long cotton nightshirts.

I sat up slowly, my head still spinning, and picked up the glass of water that sat on nightstand and brought it to my parched lips. The water was ice cold from the chilly room and cooled my body, causing me to shiver violently.

Adrian was still fast asleep at my side, breathing soft puffs of warm air…still dead to the world. We were opposites in that way; drinking too much caused Adrian to sleep deeply until he had recovered, whereas I found it very difficult to sleep when I had any remnants of alcohol in my system. I leaned down and nuzzled his neck with my nose and he hummed quietly in his sleep. He still smelled of campfire and alcohol. I set the glass of water back on the nightstand and snuggled back down under the comforter, cuddling with Adrian for a few more minutes until I felt brave enough to leave the protective warmth of the blankets.

I closed the guest bedroom door quietly behind me as I made my way to the kitchen, where I was enticed by the wonderful smells of fresh coffee and cinnamon buns. The kitchen windows were fogged from the heat and humidity of the oven, and although I was still chilled from sleep, the kitchen warmed me to the core. Emily was bustling around behind the counter, humming quietly to herself as she expertly broke eggs into a chipped blue bowl.

"Good morning, Bella," she said, smiling shyly at me as she turned to pull a tray of enormous cinnamon buns out of the oven. Although it was only the end of August, autumn had come early to Forks and Sam was arranging kindling in the large stone fireplace while taking intermittent sips from his coffee mug. Upon further inspection, I realized that Sam was looking a little worse for wear. He glanced at me over his shoulder, grimacing as he took another sip of his coffee. I chuckled quietly to myself as I thought about how crazy the Quileute boys had always been. I had never known anyone that could party as hard as a wolf pack member and I vaguely remembered Sam dancing wildly around the fire last night. He really was a skilled dancer and I remembered being in awe of his movements.

Emily pulled a chair out for me at the kitchen table just as Sam's fire began to roar to life, and I picked up a newspaper that lay on the wooden tabletop. Emily set down a mug of steaming coffee in front of me and I thanked her graciously as she brushed my hair out of my face. Emily was one of the kindest people I had ever met…she radiated goodness, spreading so much love to those around her; acting as a mother figure to many members of the pact…Jake included. She reminded me very much of someone else…someone that made my heart ache to think about.

I flipped the newspaper over and was surprised to see a picture of Charlie on the front page, looking back at me with his customary surly look; Surly, apart from the twinkle in his large brown eyes. The article was a tribute to his life and all of his wonderful acts of kindness. My throat began to tighten and I felt the tears building up behind my eyes so I quickly took a sip of coffee and flipped to page two. There was mention of a potential serial killer on the loose, to which they were attributing several murders in the area, similar to Charlie's. My stomach flipped again as I thought about Victoria out there…somewhere. I shivered as I thought about the lives lost already due to her malice.

Just then Jake barged in the front door with a half-eaten apple trapped between his front teeth and a pile of chopped wood in his arms. My brain rattled in my head as he slammed the front door, nodding toward Sam, Emily and me as he trudged across the wooden floor in his enormous boots. I groaned loudly as he dumped the wood in a heap by the fireplace as Emily set a plate full of scrambled eggs and bacon down before me. I gratefully pulled it toward me and forked a heap of the steaming hot eggs into my mouth, burning my tongue without regret. I was always so hungry when I was hung over. Jake collapsed into the chair next to me, leaning across the table to snatch up one of the gooey cinnamon buns, shoving almost the entire thing into his mouth. He looked over at my and saw me staring and his usual cocky grin appeared on his face.

"What? Haven't you ever seen a hungry wolf before? Please, Bella. Some of us don't have the luxury of sleeping until 10:30. No matter how hung over some of us may be," he said with his mouth full. "I have been up for hours, running all over the place and I haven't had any time to eat."

"So how long have you been up? What have you been doing?" I asked, suddenly curious. I looked up just in time to see Jake and Sam exchange a look. Sam nodded his head quietly and sighed.

"Uhhh, a while. We were hunting for Victoria this morning…and…we…" he roughed his fingers through his hair and looked nervously at me. My stomach twisted uncomfortably. "We met with the Cullens on the treaty line."

"What!" I screeched, spilling coffee all over the table. I immediately regretted my outburst as my head began to pound in my ears. I put my head in my hands and massaged my temples with my fingers. "You did?"

"Yeah, sorry. I didn't know if I should tell you or not…but I am not really big on keeping secrets from you, as you already know."

"I know. Thanks," I said – and I meant it. I was grateful that Jake never treated me like the weak human girl that I was. He always made an effort to include me in everything, but this time I almost would have preferred that he had kept it to himself. I didn't know what to do with that information. "So…all of them? They are all back?"

"Yup. They are all back. But don't worry…they promised to stay away from you as part of our agreement. They are not going to announce their return and are planning on mostly sticking to the shadows where they belong," Jake spat, his voice filled with hate. "So yeah, I guess we are teaming up with the leeches, but that wasn't my choice, trust me. I would give _anything_ if those creeps went back to where they came from!"

"Jake," Sam warned. Jake rolled his eyes as Sam walked over and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Bella," Sam began, his voice becoming soft. "The Cullen leader, Carlisle, and I agreed that we have safety in numbers. Since we need to be watching after you and Adrian, we were going to be spread a little thin in our search for Victoria. The Cullens have graciously agreed to aid us in the search as well as your protection. We will be working in shifts. There will always be someone nearby…to make sure that you are alright. You don't have to worry, she won't get anywhere near you."

Emily came and wrapped her arms around Sam's waist and he tenderly kissed the top of her head. I suddenly felt very ill at the thought of being under constant surveillance…especially knowing who it was that would be watching my every move.

"So the Cullens, they will be…watching me?" I asked, feeling my anxiety bubbling over. This could not be happening.

"Bella, I know this must be difficult for you, but there is no other way. It is clear to us all now that Victoria meant for you to come back here. She is not finished, and I don't think she will ever be finished until you are dead. So, you have to stay here, in Forks, for your own protection…and Adrian's," Sam finished, looking at Jake pointedly and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Jake was rolling his eyes. I turned and glared at Jake and he had the good sense to look embarrassed.

This was all getting too complicated…I didn't know how to handle all of this.

"But, what am I supposed to tell Adrian? We have to get back to Scotland for school. I just don't know what I would tell him," I said, trying to work out a valid excuse in my mind. I was coming up blank.

"Tell me what?" Adrian asked coming into the kitchen and I jerked in surprise. I dragged my finger through the puddle of coffee that surrounded my mug on the tabletop, wondering how much Adrian had heard.

"That Bella drank all the coffee. Sorry man," Jake teased, getting to his feet and heading into the kitchen to help Emily put on another pot.

After breakfast, Adrian and I packed up the rental car with the extra cinnamon buns that Emily had made and headed back to Forks to begin the long and overwhelming process of cleaning out Charlie's house. We spent the rest of the afternoon filling garbage bags and boxes and emptying out closets. Most of Charlie's possessions would be given to charity, but for the few things I would be taking home to Scotland with me, such as old photos and memorabilia.

After a few hours I began to haul boxes out to store on the back porch where they would be safe from the rain and when we were ready, we could bring my old truck around back to load them up. When I opened the old screen door I realized that the porch was mostly crammed with Charlie's tools. I remembered when Charlie had decided to build the semi-enclosed back porch and at the time I imagined him sitting out back, enjoying the peace of the surrounding forest as he cleaned his fishing gear or smoked a cigar. I had never imagined that it would become a storage facility to accommodate his growing number of possessions.

There was an enormous box of wrenches and hammers, a skill-saw, a huge tiger-torch and a car jack. I sighed as I realized that cleaning out Charlie's house was a bit more work than I had bargained for.

Charlie, in recent years, had begun to hold on to…everything, becoming somewhat of a packrat. I found five boxes of ball caps from various sports teams and oil companies in the basement; every school project/card/letter that I had ever written; there were piles of newspaper clippings and egg cartons(strangely) and the tools and fishing equipment were overwhelming in their quantity. I began to panic as I set the down the box that I was holding next to my dad's tool chest and sat on the top step, resting my head in my hands. My neck was getting sore and I was overheated…and still massively hung over.

I heard the screen door open behind me and Adrian came out onto the porch and sat down on the step next to me, reaching over to gently massage my neck.

"I think it is time for a break," he said, pulling me against his side and wrapping his arms around me. "It has been a long couple of days and it would probably be a good thing for you to rest, Mo muirnín." His low voice was like a balm to my open wounds and I leaned against him as he stroked my hair.

"This has just been…harder than I expected. I guess I am just a little overwhelmed," I said against his chest.

"It gets easier. I mean, I know it is not the same - I was very young when my parents died and gran took me in and I don't really remember me ma and da…but I do remember that every day it was a little bit easier. And I know that my parents are up there, watching down on me…just as your parents are looking down on you now; looking out for you." I could tell by the tone of his voice that he believed it was true and I wished with all my might that I could share in his unwavering faith. But I just didn't know what I believed anymore…if there was a God or a heaven…I just didn't know. I did know that if there was a heaven, that Charlie and Renee were there right now.

"Besides, you don't have to go through this alone. I am your family now, and I will always be by your side. Plus you have got plenty of people that love you. Jake, Billy...even Phil…although he is going through a hard time right now and it is difficult for him to see you, he certainly loves you very much."

I knew he was right. I was so very lucky to have so many wonderful people around me…especially Adrian. He was the one true thing in my life and I didn't know where I would be without him here, by my side.

"Thank you," I whispered through my tears and he smiled down at my, kissing me lovingly on my lips.

"How are you feeling, then? Do you need anything?" he asked.

"Well, besides this terrible headache, I think I will live."

"Have you taken anything for your headache, love?" he asked, frowning down at me as he used the back of his hand to test the temperature of my forehead.

"No…there is nothing here. I checked," I said, annoyed that Charlie didn't have a single Tylenol in the house.

"Ah, I see. Wait here then and I will run into town and grab something." Adrian released me from his arms and crawled to his feet, heading back into the house.

I stood as well and followed him into the house.

I took a quick shower and pulled on my favourite sweatpants as well as Adrian's Radiohead t-shirt that he got from the concert in Poland a few years ago. I was just brushing through my wet hair when there was a knock at the front door.

I rushed down the stairs, slipped and tumbling down a few steps before catching myself. I liked to think that I had become less clumsy with age, but every now and then it seemed to resurface; usually when stairs were involved.

I swung the front door open in frustration as my left ankle throbbed from my tumble. In a split second my stomach plummeted; my heart stopped for a mere moment before kick starting again at 100 miles/hour. My breath was trapped in my lungs, as I stood in the doorway completely aghast, not knowing what to do or say. Towering over me in the doorway, in all his glory, was Edward Cullen.

The smooth and impassive expression had returned to his perfect features and I could feel a chill creep into my veins as I took in his indifferent stance. His expression reminded me so much of the last day I had seen him and I felt a sob catch in my chest as the memories of that day in the woods came rushing back to me.

_You…don't…want me?_

_No._

"Hello, Bella." His perfect velvet voice was aloof and I shivered as I looked away, anywhere but his face. His coldness was too much to bear.

_You're not good for me, Bella._

My arms immediately flew around my chest, trying to hold myself together…this was definitely not the time to fall apart. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing what he had done to me, his wretched human ex-girlfriend. For some reason it suddenly seemed very important that I not show him how much he had hurt me. He had left me in the woods, without a care, to pursue his "distractions". And now, here he stood, emotionless…distant…and all I wanted to do was get away from him – to get away from his cold and empty stare and curl up in a ball and cry.

"Edward," my voice came out as barely a whisper and I suddenly longed for the strength to speak clearly…firmly. I took a step back as I finally looked up into his black eyes; they were blacker than I had ever seen them. He watched me carefully, but with little interest, as I struggled to maintain my composure.

"I am sorry to bother you. I know that I am going against the promise that I once made to you and I am sorry for that," he began, and his clear voice startling me, as if I had not been expecting him to speak…as if this was all just a bad dream. "I do not intend to stay in Forks for long, only long enough to put an end to the mess once and for all. My family and I have spoken with the Quileutes and we all agree that it is best that you and…er...Adrian stay in Forks for the time being. We will do everything in our power to put an end to Victoria quickly so that you can carry on with your life." His voice did not falter and for once I saw that he could be as cold as he had always claimed he was. I shivered slightly, turning my face away from his frigid stare.

"I am sorry to have inconvenienced you, Edward. I hate to have pulled you away from your _distractions_." The words poured from my mouth like acid and I was surprised by my sudden outburst. I wondered when this sudden anger had come to fruition, for until that moment I had felt nothing bad sadness. I had never spoken to Edward like that before. His eyes widened a little in surprise and I was minutely satisfied that I had elicited a response from him, however small.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. This is entirely my fault. I should have made certain that Victoria was dead before I left you alone. You will never know how deeply sorry I am for what has happened. I…" his voice suddenly cracked and my heart rate picked up ten-fold. I thought I saw something cross his face, raw emotion and self-loathing, but he recovered quickly and after a moment I wondered if I had imagined it.

"I am truly, deeply sorry for your loss." His voice was suddenly soft and I looked down, concentrating very hard on my bare feet, my head pounding in my ears. "We won't let anything else hurt you now, I promise."

"I know," I said, taking a deep shaky breath, once again betraying my emotions. I was so pathetic. Here he stood, explaining to me the tasks that lay before him, and all I could think about was what it felt like when he used to smile at me…what it felt like to be in his strong arms. Truly pathetic. I didn't even realize that I was crying until the tears began to splatter down my arm, trickling between my fingers. "You should all be careful though. I couldn't bear it if any of you were hurt on my account. It would be too much." Edward sighed heavily, sounding slightly irritated.

"Oh, Bella. You haven't changed one bit."

"How would you know?" I spat, suddenly livid. "That's rather presumptuous of you, don't you think? You should keep your condescending comments to yourself! You don't know me anymore…for all you know I could be a completely different person." Shock and surprise registered on his face and he stared into my eyes, as if he was looking for the answer behind my behaviour.

"Hmm, yes…perhaps I should," he said humbly. He paused for a long moment as he continued to study my face and I felt the blush rising to my cheeks in embarrassment. "You look like you have been having a hard time," he said quietly; so quietly that I was not sure that I had heard him right. "You should eat something Bella. You are too thin. I am so glad that you are not alone," his voice faltered and he paused for a moment, sounding a little unsure.

"He is a good man. And very intelligent. He will be a brilliant mathematician someday. He will be able to take care of you." He nodded to himself as the words came out of his mouth. It felt so strange to hear Edward speaking of Adrian, and my mind refused to cooperate as my past and my present collided. It was just so strange…and so unpleasant.

"Please, Edward. Don't talk about him. Don't…don't read his mind. Just…please don't," I let out a stifled sob as the tears came streaming down my face. There was no sense in trying to hide it any longer. I had always been an open book to him…he could always read me better than anyone.

At that moment Edward froze, his face hardening again although…darker this time. I couldn't place the sudden change in his posture until I heard our rental car coming down the street and pulling into the drive.

The rain had started to come down hard as Adrian stepped out of the car, slamming the door behind him with force as he saw Edward standing in the door; he looked livid. He walked with purpose toward the steps of the porch, where he paused for a moment, staring at Edward like he was going to rip him limb from limb. Edward turned to the steps; his face remained impassive as he looked down at Adrian.

"Were you waiting for me to leave before you came to see Bella?" Adrian asked, his voice calm but dangerous.

I had never seen Adrian respond like this before and I could not help the panic from rising within me.

Men had hit on me many times before and Adrian had always brushed it off; perhaps putting a protective arm around me and teasing me about the attention I was getting, laughing at how men fell over themselves when I was around and I would blush furiously. Even Jake had made his feeling for me all too clear, and yet Adrian had not responded like this. Not even close. This was entirely different. Adrian was furious…it was radiating off of him.

Edward remained calm - seemingly disinterested in the entire situation…but it was as though Adrian saw something else entirely.

"Yes," Edward replied simply, his voice quiet.

"Well, I won't be leaving again," Adrian responded, as he walked confidently up the stairs.

I wondered if Adrian felt afraid of Edward, if his instincts were screaming at him to step away from the strange being in front of him - but if he did – it was not detectable. Adrian seemed cool and in charge.

"Good," Edward replied, not giving away anything. Adrian paused for a moment at the top of the steps and seemed confused by Edward's response. Adrian stood about two inched taller than Edward and cast a glance down at him as he brushed by him to stand by my side.

"You needn't worry. I won't be back, but you know where to find me if you need me," Edward said, directing this last statement at me. I couldn't find the words to say anything; I was completely stunned by the situation. It all seemed so surreal.

Edward turned and walked down the steps to the black Mercedes parked in the street, which I had not noticed before. Adrian slammed the front door before we could watch him drive away.

He looked down at me for a moment; his blue eyes seemed to be on fire. He turned away from me, pacing up and down the hallway, forcing his fingers through his thick wavy black hair.

"Bella, you need to tell me what the hell is going on," he finally said, coming to a halt a few feet away from me. His voice sounded panicked and I immediately felt terrible for allowing him to feel this way.

"Nothing is going on. He came to pay his respects…that's all," I pleaded.

"No. No, I don't think so Bella," he interrupted, his accent thick highland accent becoming more pronounced with his agitation. "I just have this feeling that something is about to go horribly wrong. I feel like I am going to lose you." His eyes were full of worry as he reached out and grasped my hands tightly in his. My heart plummeted and I immediately wrapped my arms around his narrow waist, squeezing him tight. After a moment, he hesitantly put his arms around me, giving me a quick squeeze in return. He sighed deeply and I listened as the air rushed in and out of his lungs, the sound of his heart beating his chest. He was so warm.

"I need to know what happened between you two…who he was to you…I need to know," he said quietly after a moment.

I pulled away from Adrian and walked into the living room. The sky was holding on to the last remnants of late August sunlight, but the deep blue of Twilight had begun to creep into the corners of the room. I sat down on the couch and Adrian followed me, sitting on the coffee table facing me. I tried to focus on keeping my breath even, equal parts breath in to breath out. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to decide what to tell him. Talking about Edward with Adrian was the last thing that I wanted to do and my already upset stomach began to churn.

"We used to be…together. In high school…Edward and I," I began, uncertain. Adrian released a breath and looked down at his hands, which he had crossed on his knees in front of him.

"Yes. I gathered as much. What happened between you two?"

I was silent for a long moment before I finally summoned the courage to continue.

"He left. Two days after my 18th birthday, he left. He told me that he was not in love with me and that he was leaving. I was…heart broken. But not anymore, Adrian," I implored, grabbing fiercely onto Adrian's hands. "I was broken for a long, long while. I couldn't see my way out of it; I didn't think I would ever be whole again, but I am. Because of you." I relaxed my hands over his and I realized that he was shaking. "It has been hard seeing him, I will admit, but only because I am so surprised. I have not seen him since that day and I was certain that I would never see him again."

"He is in love with you, Bella," he said suddenly and with conviction; he sounded angry. I simply shook my head as he continued. "Yes! He is still in love with you! I am amazed that you can't see that!"

"I don't believe that is true, and it doesn't matter anyway because I want to marry you. I am happy with you." I looked across into his eyes, but I still found a cloud of worry, covering the depth of his beautiful blue eyes.

"Okay, I only have one more question and then we can forget about this forever, if you wish."

"What is that?" I asked, suddenly feeling very nervous, knowing for sure what he was about to ask.

"Are you still in love with him?" he asked pointedly, releasing my hands and watching my expression intently.

I paused for a moment, not entirely surprised by the question, but unsure of how to proceed.

"No," I finally said after a deep breath. "No, I am not in love with Edward."

My heart sank and the skin at the back of my neck burned as the words left my mouth and realization hit me; I did still love Edward. I would love Edward to the end of time and there was no way to undo it. After all that I had been through, after all that he had done, I still loved him, truly and with all of my heart. I sank deeper into the couch as Adrian continued to study me with a dark expression on his face.

I had just lied to Adrian. I had lied right to his face, and judging by his expression, he knew it too.

**END NOTES: Alright folks, from here we go deeper. The next chapter is sort of the crux of the story and things are going to go to hell. Prepare yourself for some craziness and some super angst. Thank you all for reading!**

**p.s. The more reviews I get, the faster I post. Reviews cause me to write harder and faster!**


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